Wednesday, June 23, 2010

December 08 from September 07

I wrote this back in September of 2007 when I was packing up my "stuff" and getting ready to move to Texas
Funnily enough ... most of my "stuff" still remains in boxes - in storage - here in Texas. I have had not the time - or the inclination - to deal with it yet
Does this mean - even the few items of "stuff" I brought with me are insignificant ?
SURELY not ????????
When I think back to HOW MUCH I GOT RID OF ... it still pulls at my heart.
A "fear" dwells deep within me that someday I will want to see, feel and smell my "stuff"
Life has a funny way of coming full circle.
If you dont get it the first time around - the lesson will re appear - perhaps in a different format - with different players - but the same lesson none the less.
I am currently privy to the mechanics of another couple breaking up and having to deal with the distribution - or more exactly - the relocation of "stuff"
This - of course - got me to thinking...
Waking up this morning I KNEW the time had come for me to write something about my "stuff" ...
You know - the things we relentlessly drag with us - from one place to another - throughout our lives
For some of us these may be tangible items - articles we have collected and meticulously saved. 
I had a LOT of those ...
For others it may be emotional baggage and ideals - good and or bad - that we try to cling to in times of need. Im guilty on that account too although I have worked very hard the past few years to rectify this situation   
So - for me- it was BOTH !
I come from a long history of "pack rats".
Perhaps it was a post war and depression generational thing but my mother never threw ANYTHING out !
Everything was recycled until its utility and economic life had completely expired or the box it was put into for those "just in case moments" grew mold or was long lost and forgotten.
I can remember her painstakingly re folding wrapping paper - and even though I dont recall ever actually seeing it on any packages later (?) I do know where she stored the collection.
FYI - My kids will probably tell you they remember me doing the very same thing only I can proudly report I USED the "stuff" religiously 
Isnt it funny how the very things that we mock our parents for in distain we somehow re create - if only in a changed or distorted version - in our own lives ?
Anyway - back to MY "stuff"
This is not the time or place to discuss the emotional aspects ... though if one reads previous blogs you may well be able to decipher much of the process I went through whilst I was hopefully healing.
Right now - I am here to tell you about the tangible "stuff" ... the items that we somehow convince ourselves that we need when all the while much of which is only what we want.
When I became cognoscente of the impending split between the Sperm Donor and myself more than half the items we had jointly collected over the course of almost 25 years of co habituating - not to mention the things I had brought into the mirage - much of which were family heirlooms - was gone.
I was then faced with the daunting task of dealing with what little remained and preserving what I could - especially for our children.
To add insult to injury - though I had been applying much of my mothers organizational skills over the years whilst storing these items - when it was time for me to actually address the situation - much had been pilfered threw and left in what I felt to be - disarray.
With feelings of violation, abandonment and humiliation I set in for what would become the six month task of examining, sorting, purging and re packing "my stuff"  
In the end - which is now just before me - the results were strangely amazing.
More that half of what initially remained was systematically disposed of - mostly to Good Will and other such charity organizations but some items lovingly passed on to others.
My goal here was to get rid of the "chi"
I felt like what happened in the past was to remain in the past and I did not want to bring much of it forward into my new reality.
What remained was transported down to Orlando and placed in storage for round two.
When I was emotionally capable of the next step - each and every item that was left - including those that were in my existing domicile - were acutely examined and addressed as to their utility in my "new life".
All items pertaining to the children that had not been lost, stolen or damaged were painstakingly cleaned and repacked - labeled for future reference.
Again - what was left was whittled down to a bare minimum.
I now own major stock in Sterile plastic tubs but I am here to report that everything I own - with the exception of some major furniture items - most of which are the heirlooms I referred to earlier - is now in the said above referenced containers.
I am now also relieved to know that I can manage each and every one of these containers on my own. They are portable, stackable, well labeled and identifiable as to their contents
Ok - it all may sound a little anal but it works for me
I feel relieved - organized - much lighter - and strongly liberated.
I know in my heart - though I am now condensed into 60 odd tubs - that my kids will never have to deal with the dreaded pandemonium that my siblings and I will when "the parental unit" passes on.
So here I am - me and my tubs - getting ready to begin a NEW and EXCITING chapter in my life ...
Who knows what the future may hold but I truly feel I am better prepared for it by organizing and reducing the baggage from my past

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