Tuesday, September 13, 2011

R - E - S - P - E - C - T

Respect ... 
Thats all I want 
Is it too much to ask for ? 

What is it with my kids ? 

With EVERYTHING I do - have done - and will continue to do for them ... 
WHY do they think they can speak to me with such DISRESPECT ? 

I know what you are thinking ... they do it because I allow them to right ? 

Well - maybe ???
( I dont mean to ... ) 

I cant STAND it ! 

Im almost 50 years old and they talk to me like I am a piece of dirt on their shoe 

How can I impress upon them how HATEFUL they are being to me ? 
How can I make them see how HURTFUL they are being to me ? 
HOW can I make them STOP ? 

Tonight I will lay my head down and PRAY that somehow - someway - someday - the Universe will reach out and make them realize I am a person - with feelings - and I deserve MORE ! 

" I am Good - I am Smart - and I am Important" 
( And So It Will Be ) 

PS I LOVE them SO Much ... They are My HEART and SOUL 

Monday, September 5, 2011

Its "that" time ... ( the bed )

Somewhere between 5 and 8 pm ... 
My friend refers to it as the "couples hour" but in neither of my long term relationships was this ever a time reserved for "us" 
In fact - in my most recent / prior one ( relationship ) - I barely ever saw him before 9 pm 
Ok - that may have been a "slight" exaggeration - but only ever so slight - as it was rarely before 8 ! 
Anyway - newly single - again - I can not STAND it ... 
Every day - without fail - this uncomfortable feeling rises up within me 
It starts as a quiet stir 
Within minutes my head is whirling and my stomach is churning 
It doesnt matter if I plan events and activities in and around these hours to pre occupy myself or not - although sometimes - even if it is only minuet - there is a reprieve
Typically I can not eat 
My stomach will just not allow it 
I have tried to read - but I find myself staring at the same page - phrase - and words - indefinitely 
Movies are the same way 
Just a blurr - although - if I go to the theatre - at least there is popcorn 
( I dont count that as "eating" ) 
Sometimes our minds are just not our friends 
This is one of those times 
It is almost absurd what can occur within my head 
I silently wonder if I am the only person who suffers from this syndrome
I remember the last time I was single - even though I was in a content place - I still got "bothered" during this time 
Ultimately - I think it is because - deep down - I know - there will be no one lying down beside me in my bed 
No one to hold me 
No one to steal the sheets or swap out the pillows 
No one to touch feet with 
And in the end - at this point in my life - this is what I crave.